


wrapped in your regret

by idkimoutofideas



Series: febuwhump 2021 [7]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, FebuWhump2021, Hurt/Comfort, Magnus Burnsides Needs a Hug, Suicidal Thoughts, Whump, from a character that doesn't recognize it as such, set in the rockport limited arc, spoilers for eleventh hour arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29340126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkimoutofideas/pseuds/idkimoutofideas
Summary: Jumping off a moving train while almost dead wasn’t the best idea Magnus has ever had, but when had he ever thought his actions through?Written for Febuwhump day 10: I'm sorry, I didn't know
Relationships: Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Magnus Burnsides & Merle Highchurch & Taako
Series: febuwhump 2021 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154915
Kudos: 20
Collections: febuwhump 2021





	wrapped in your regret

**Author's Note:**

> TW for suicidal thoughts and tendencies, mentioned briefly at the beginning
> 
> Title is from 'Could Have Been Me' by the Struts

Jumping off a moving train while almost dead wasn’t the best idea Magnus has ever had, but when had he ever thought his actions through?

Besides, Merle was right behind him, he’d get healed in no time. And if he didn’t, well, maybe he’d get to see Julia again.

But he would get healed. Merle would heal him. He’d be fine.

There was a moment of darkness after he hit the ground hard and stopped being aware of his surroundings. It was quiet, almost peaceful. He was no longer in pain, no longer worried about if Taako would be able to save Neverwinter, no longer worried about keeping the others safe. He could just drift, and think about Julia.

Think about how she’d sit perched on a table in the workshop, looking over the ledger. How he’d get so distracted by her beauty he’d cut himself by accident. How she’d laugh as she patched him up, her hands soft despite their calluses. How she’d look at him seriously and say ‘Maggie, you need to take better care of yourself’, and would follow it up with a kiss on his forehead. 

Think about how much he missed her, missed her smile, her laugh, the gentle way she’d brush a lock of hair off his forehead and-

There was a snap, and suddenly Magnus was blinking awake on the ground, every square inch of his body radiating pain. A figure leaned over him, blocking the bright sun shining overhead, and it took Magnus a moment to recognize Merle.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” Taako’s voice came from somewhere off to his side, Magnus tried to sit up to see him but was hit by a sudden wave of dizziness. A strong hand gripped his shoulder and kept him from flopping back on the ground.

“Easy there big fella.” Merle said gruffly. “Ya know if you needed a heal you could’ve just asked.” It took Magnus a second to blink the spots out of his vision, and when he did he gave Merle a weak smile.

“It all worked out in the end.” Magnus said. Taako huffed, and Magnus watched in confusion as he stalked off into the field to stand by Jess and Graham. “What’s his problem?” Magnus asked, looking back at Merle.

Merle hesitated before answering, his eyes flickering up to Taako’s retreating form. “He’s just worried about you.” Magnus couldn’t help but laugh at that, as if Taako would ever worry about someone other than himself. Magnus got to his feet, and was embarrassed by how much he had to lean on Merle to do so.

“You’re healed, but you’re not 100% yet, so don’t go jumping off any more trains.” Merle said sternly.

“I’ll do my best.” Magnus laughed.

“Um, sirs? There’s a clinic in Neverwinter that might be able to help you.” Angus piped up from where he was hidden in the grass that was almost as tall as he was.

“Might not be a bad idea.” Magnus agreed.

\---

They headed into Neverwinter, dealt with the officials, and stopped by the clinic long enough that Magnus no longer felt like he was one stubbed toe away from death. 

They were chatting as they made their way to the Neverwinter city limits, where they could call a transport ball from the bureau without raising any suspicion, when Merle asked a question that made Magnus trip over his own feet.

“So who’s Julia?”

The question hit Magnus like a punch in the gut, and he almost fell flat on his face from the shock of it. Both Merle and Taako were looking at him expectantly, but he couldn’t find the words to respond.

“I don’t- how’d you-”

“You kept saying her name while you were unconscious.” Taako answered Magnus’ unasked question.

“Oh.”

“So who is she? Your girlfriend or something?” Merle pressed.

“Wife. She- my wife.” Magnus got out. He was suddenly extremely aware of the chain around his neck, and the ring that hung off of it, tucked snugly under his shirt and pressed against his skin.

Taako gave him a look and pointedly stared down at Magnus’ left hand. “I didn’t know you were married.” It was a simple comment, but it only made the chasm in Magnus’ chest grow larger.

“You’re telling me you’ve got a girl waiting somewhere?” Merle laughed. Magnus could only shake his head. “Oh, did you leave her or something?”

“No!” The word came out harsher than he intended and he winced. He had left her, but not like that. He hadn’t  _ meant _ to. Both Taako and Merle were  _ looking _ at him now, and he purposefully avoided their gaze and stared at the ground. “She, uh, she died. About five years ago.” He didn’t look up, didn’t want to see the look of pity on their faces, didn’t want them to see how hard he was fighting back tears.

Silence fell over them for a moment, and Magnus cursed himself and his inability to keep it together, even after all these years. It was eventually broken by Taako’s low whistle.

“Damn dude. That’s rough.” For the first time since they’d met, Taako actually sounded serious.

“Shit I’m sorry man, I didn’t know.” Merle said quietly. Magnus shrugged, still avoiding eye contact.

“It- uh, doesn’t really come up in conversation, you know?” The joke fell flat, but they left the subject alone, which he was glad about. It felt wrong to talk about her like that. In the past tense. As if she wasn’t still with him everywhere he goes.

The conversation returned to normal for a bit, but Magnus didn’t say much more. They finally reached a place they could call a transport ball, and as they floated up into the sky he looked out the window at the ground shrinking below him, and tried not to think about how Julia would’ve loved the view.


End file.
